Death of Common Sense

Two words… Fuck… That…

Our office has had a resident huntsman spider, Sammy, for the last week, two nights ago he moved from his usual spot above the Sales Managers office door.

He was found by a few staff members, but his whereabouts remained a mystery to most… Until today that is… One of the female staff members found him in a corridor that leads to our lunchroom… And of course a bit hoo-ha was made about it and calls for it to be disposed with…

We’ve recently had a new staff member come on board, a new MD, this new staff member has served time in Vietnam, so he’s no pushover… He walks up to the spider, reaches up and prods it a few times and it falls onto his shirt! Cool as a cucumber he cups it in both his hands, walks outside and lets it go in the front garden! People sat in amazement as our new MD calmly walked through the office with a massive huntsman spider cupped in his hands…

A coworker and myself were just discussing this on MSN, he’s of Asian descent, originally from Hong Kong, he has lived in Australia since he was 3… So he’s an Aussie through and through… Of what just happened he said, “It must have been Nam!” and continued, “yeah don’t want to cross him!! He’ll put you in a death lock!! Fuck imagine if my name was Charlie!! He’ll go crazy!!”

Now that is a sense of humour…. I had to share that joke…

Has it meowed yet?

Lasers target two Qantas jets

They Say:

“The safety of hundreds of passengers travelling aboard Melbourne-bound aircraft has again been jeopardised by laser beams aimed at pilots. Lasers were pointed at two Qantas jets as they completed their landing approach to Melbourne Airport on Tuesday night. The first plane was flying over Lancefield at 8.40pm when the pilot of the Boeing 737 reported a laser pointed at the cockpit. The second incident occurred just before midnight when a plane, en-route from Perth, flew over the Romsey area.

The Federal Department of Infrastructure and Transport said Tuesday night’s incidents were the first laser attacks recorded for Melbourne this year. Last week, NSW police seized a high-powered laser believed to have been responsible for attacks on two commercial jets on January 22. A Transport Department spokesman said there had been 325 reports of laser lights directed at aircraft since January last year, when logging of the incidents began.”

We Say:

*Head in hands shaking his head*

What the fuck would want to make someone do this? It fails me to even try to comprehend why or even what satisfaction the idiots doing this would get out of it all??? Anyone??

I can see the scene played out between two fucking oxygen thieves as they’re doing it…

A: “Hey dude… Look at that plane! Hey dude, shine your laser at it!”
B: “Oh… But it’s so far away dude…”
A: “Dude, it’s a frickin laser, it goes so far man…”
B: “But what about the safety of all those passengers?”
A: “Dude, fuck them it’s a laser!”
B: *shines it in his own eyes*
A: “Dude!!! Not at you!
B: “Oh right, where’s that plane, all I can see is a bright light…?!?!”
A: *grabs laser off B and shines at plane*
A: “Yea, take my laser Mr Pilot”
B: “Awesome dude…”
A: “That was cool!!! Wanna go stick your dick in a power socket?”
B: “Fuck yea dude!”

Guessing, fair assumption, that the offenders in this case are a little backwards… Well more than a little backwards, but IQ in single digits…

Go find something constructive to do you fucking morons, like throwing yourself off a bridge, playing chicken on the freeway, fixing your toaster with a butter knife while it’s still plugged in or just taking to yourself with a gun…. The choice I’ll leave to you… Get a fucking life…

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case
2. Remove your laptop
3. Start up
4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky
6. Then hit this link

This cracked me up… Thank god for Australian Humor….

The media missed the ‘real’ story….! 

Errr… Guys…. 

“…and in soccer overnight the socceroos, a magnificent 4-0 victory over england in the european invitation tournament being staged in hamburg. it was the first time australia have beaten england, aussie striker bruce fuckoffyoubitch was the hero, with 2 goals. heres some of the action:
australia on the attack now through diggaditch! good ball for sonofabitch. youcantski. icanski. noyoucantski now. nice passki to whocanski. gottanitch! little chipavitch over the topofitch! fuckoffyoubitch!! goalavitch!!! 1 nothing australia! offyoubitch the scorer, and thats stunned this england side! hecantski, does well. nowhecanski, socansheski, wecanallski! got round, has a shotski, goalski!! 2 nilski australia! england can’t believe it! lostmehousekey now, what a bitch. good ballavitch. nohecantski now, got a bad stitch. could be risky, this looks dangerous, betternotski! hedidski! and thats gonna be a penalty! referee pointing to the spotski. england players are not happy about that! penalty for the socceroos to be taken by thewickedwitch. makes no mistakavitch! straight into the back of the netski, 3 nothing australia. gottanitch, wide ball for the australian substitute smith, i hope i pronounced that correctly! smith on for the injured sonofabitch, whos gone off with a stitch after a bit of a grim sitch…uation a little earlier, took a nasty knockavitch. fillyouresky now, the australian captain, this looks promising, centre kickski, the keeper’s come out of his box, fuckoffyoubitch its a goal!!!! thats his second!! australia 4 nilski now, england, in deep shitski!!” ..

Muse - Knights of Cydonia
Muse - Assassin
Regina Spektor - Real Love
Bjork - Earth Intruders
Bluejuice - Vitriol
Cat Empire - So Many Nights
Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger (live)
Dizzee Rascal - Flex (Dave Spoon Remix)
Presets, The - My People Urthboy - We Get Around

Thoughts?

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