Death of Common Sense

Bali bombing survivors disgusted over Abu Bakar Bashir’s visit

They Say:
Survivors of the 2002 Bali bombings have expressed disgust at radical Islamic cleric Abu Bakar Bashir’s visit to the three Bali bombers on death row. Bashir, widely believed to be the spiritual head of South-East Asian terror network Jemaah Islamiah (JI), said he wanted to boost the trio’s spirits before they faced the firing squad.

The trio played key roles in the 2002 Bali terrorist attacks, which killed 202 people, including 88 Australians. They received words of support and hugs from Bashir during a family visits day yesterday. Bashir visited the prison with 20 other religious figures from central and west Java, along with relatives of the trio.

The radical cleric, who was jailed for 30 months for conspiracy over the Bali bombings but later cleared, urged Indonesian officials to ignore any demands from the US or Australia. “Indonesian officials must introspect before they follow the US and Australia’s interests,” he said. In the prison meeting room, the group shared laughs and jokes for three hours.

We Say:
*Clears throat and tries to remain calm and collected*

Imagine a throng of supporters of the 9/11 hijackers rocking up to Guantanamo Bay asking if they can come in, have a bit of a laugh and a giggle with the accused people involved, merely stating they just wanted to ‘boost their spirits’….. I’m fairly sure that they would be shit-beaten with sticks and turned into liquid fertiliser for the US troops Guantanamo Bay football field… Am I not fucking wrong?

Are Indonesia FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!?!??!?! Look at the treatment of the Bali 9, who were drugs mules… Drug mules… They had drugs strapped to their bodies, not stuffing vans full of fucking fertilizer! I’m fairly certain I can start a petition to have Indonesia wiped off the face of the earth for being such fucktards, of course apologies would be given to the sporting sides of Australia, you might have to go elsewhere for cheap booze and hookers. (see Thailand)

Let’s see these crimes side by side….

Killing of 202 people Vs. Importing some Heroin

Chalk and fucking cheese I hear you say, well sir you would 100% correct, if those three monkeys can have a fucking song and dance to boost their spirits, the Bali 9 can have a fucking Contiki tour! If the Bali bombers get a visit from Abu Fuckhead Bashir, does that mean the Bali 9 get a visit and high-fives from their spiritual leader Warney? Joey Johns perhaps? Kamahl? Give me a fucking break….

Police use mace on pack of dogs to save foal

They Say:
“Police used capsicum spray to rescue a foal that was being mauled by a pack of dogs in Sydney’s west yesterday. Police said the foal was left with serious injuries after the attack at a property in Erskine Park just after 4.30pm but it was hoped it could be saved.

Acting Inspector Scott Mcalpine said a vet had been called to treat the horse and that the owner of the three dogs had returned to the property. He said the dogs and the foal had lived at the same property so the matter would be referred to local council rangers.”

We Say:
Am I the only asshole thinking, just shoot the fucking dogs! Police are fine getting all trigger happy and shooting people, yet they’ll go, “Awww look at the cute little puppies gnawing on that foals neck, better use the capsicum spray…” Shoot the fucking dogs! If the coppers hold a dogs life in higher regard than a fellow human being, remind me never to visit Sydney in fear of my life… I will have to watch it in Melbourne too, cop tactics tend to filter down south of the border, look out all those returning from Xmas parties this week, the cops are packing heat… If breath-tested don’t make eye contact, you might end up dead… Or tasered… DONT TASE ME BRO!

Shock at $85k mobile phone bill

They Say:
“A Canadian man has been shocked to receive a mobile phone bill for nearly $85,000 (£41,000). Piotr Staniaszek thought he could use his new phone as a modem for his computer under his $10 unlimited mobile browser plan from Bell Mobility. He downloaded high-definition movies and other large files unaware that this incurred massive extra charges.

“The thing is, they’ve cut my phone off for being like $100 over,” he told CBC News.
“Here, I’m $85,000 over and nobody bothered to give me a call and tell me what was going on.”
“I told them I wasn’t aware I would be charged for hooking up my phone to the computer. I’m going to try and fight it, because I didn’t know about the extra charges.”

Bell Mobility said they would lower the bill to $3,243 in a “goodwill gesture” to match the best data plan available for using mobile phones as a modem, the Globe and Mail reported.”

We Say:
I think I might draft a letter to Mr Piotr Staniaszek or as I’d like to call him ‘Alphabet Soup’

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Dear Alphabet Soup,

You see that little thing with a screen and numbers, that’s a mobile fucking phone… A mobile phone… Mobile….. Phone….. Not to be used as primarily a modem to download movies from your fucking computer…
Who in their right mind would charge you $10, that’s right fuck-knuckle $10, a month for using a mobile fucking phone as a modem!!

I think the reduced bill of $3,243 should come with a condition, a big red tattoo in the middle of your pea brain contained forehead saying, “It’s a fucking phone!”

You said that you were not sure about the new charges, well fuck me is ignorance the new excuse for everything??? What if I come and punch you in the throat, police arrest me for assault and I plead, “Shit does punching someone in the throat constitute assault these days?? Fuck me, no one told me!”

You are the reason that corrupt mobile providers charge such fucked up large rates, to cope with morons like you abusing plans, then acting like a fucking bell-end saying, “Oh fuck, I think I downloaded too much…. I was duped…” No sir, you’re a fuckwit, and being a fuckwit is not a valid excuse…

Kind Regards
The crew at deathofcommonsense.com.au

P.S. You suck….

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Perhaps I’ll get a courier to deliver this to Mr Alphabet Soup in person, he can punch him in the throat for me… He’d get off any charges I’d imagine….

Fuel drum explodes in teen’s face

They Say:

“A FUEL drum exploded in a teenager’s face when he tried to open it with an electric grinder.
Police said the 17-year-old was using an electric grinder yesterday at a Bingil Bay property, south of Innisfail.

Police believed sparks from the grinder ignited fuel inside the drum.
The teenager’s face was burnt and he was taken to Cairns Hospital.”

We Say:
Any chance while the little prick is in hospital to have, “Fucktard” tattooed on his face? No, oh come on..
Struggling for words to describe how much of a fucking idiot this kid is… Let me describe other situations as smart as what this fucktard got himself into…

• Covering yourself in pigs blood and guts then jumping in to swim in shark infested waters
• Jumping from a moving car, cos, fuck I want to get out here and now
• Wandering around a fireworks factory carrying a drum of gunpowder while smoking
• Using a nail gun to attach a mask, with wig, to your head

Does anyone see a trend in the above, you just don’t fucking do them!

Can we do an IQ test also while he’s in hospital, I really want to see if this little shit can comprehend:

fire + confined fuel source = big fucking trouble

And to hear the cops say that they ‘believed sparks from the grinder ignited fuel inside the drum’, I’m fairly fucking sure it would have been the grinder, unless he burnt the fuel with his mind… For fucks sake…

Snowball Aussie’s case dropped

They Say:

“AUSTRALIAN student Andrew Thistleton is preparing to celebrate with a beer and return home after assault charges in the US against him were dropped for the crime of throwing a snowball at a co-worker.

Mr Thistleton said he believed the charges were dropped because prosecutors realised Ms Oehlert had become “a loose cannon”, was an unreliable witness and had been untruthful all along.

“I just basically wrote: ‘I apologise for any harm that I may have caused you. I’m sorry if it appeared as though I was being malicious, that was never my intention. It was just a snowball and in short I’m sorry’,” he said.”

We Say:

FUCK YEA!

ONE FOR COMMON SENSE!!!

Does he get to ’stone’ her with snowballs now… Please? I can film and distribute the DVD….

Chronic gambler allowed to sue casino

They Say:
“A banned gambler who lost $30 million at Melbourne’s Crown Casino does have a case against its operators, a judge has ruled. Gold Coast property developer Harry Kakavas claimed he lost the cash playing baccarat during a 14-month gambling spree which started in June 2005.

He claimed he was flown about 30 times on Crown’s VIP jet and was regularly handed bags and boxes of cash, and given a promise of a 20 per cent rebate on all losses. In the Supreme Court in Melbourne today, Justice David Harper ruled Mr Kakavas did have sufficient grounds to pursue a case against the casino.”

We Say:
The only thing this guy Harry should be ‘allowed’ to do is give himself a quick roundhouse kick to the head, you gambled, you lost!!! There is no fucking in between!! “Oh, they were going to give me back 20% of my losses” Fuck me, that ol’ Chestnut, struggling to find the words to describe how moronic this tool is…

And claims that he was lured back after banning himself, it’s called self-control Harry, you should try it sometime…

I shudder to think what the fuck this guy is going to do with $30mil if he wins his case… Trip to Las Vegas anyone?

If the judge in this case had any brains, his statement would have been:
“You lost, stop being such a fucking girl and suck it up, get the fuck out of my courtroom you scumbag…”

Harsh, I think not…

Latest hoodies ‘a hooligan’s tool’

They Say:

“British politicians are calling for a new brand of hooded jackets to be banned amid fears the wearers could intimidate the public.The jackets, which completely cover the head and come with inbuilt goggles, were designed to keep the wearer warm.

But critics, including British shadow home secretary David Davis, say the hoodies made by clothing company Criminal Damage are a “hooligan’s tool” more suited to biological warfare.”

We Say:
Did I miss the memo that announced a change in fashion to look like the end of the fucking world…?
Is it just me or does it look like a gas mask and since when does that look even remotely cool? I have to agree with the authorities on this one, but for different reasons, I thought fashion was meant to be an expression of yourself. If that’s the case stay the fuck away from these people!!

According to my sources the main consumer group for this product are Chavs, for those not in the know, go here to find out. To give you an example of celebrity Chavs, male: Wayne ‘I kick football’ Rooney, Chav female: Jordan ‘I have tits’. Based on this you can imagine a Chav looking at this hoodie in the stores and going, “Fuck me I’ll ‘ave some of that!”

According to the news story, 40 have been sold in the past fortnight… I may have to import them into Australia and sew a little patch of the latest and greatest biological weapon into the hood… Would serve two purposes, 1. Make some money, and 2. Straighten out the bell curve of intelligence in Australia… I’m doing my bit Australia, what are you doing?

Starbucks employee sues over shop noise

They Say:
“A FORMER Starbucks barista with an ear condition is suing the company for $US4 million ($A4.55 million) because she says noise levels in the Manhattan coffee shop where she worked were too high

According to court papers filed in New York State Court, changes to the coffee shop, such as removing the carpeting and draperies and installing “loud, buzzing” ovens, created a noise level that was too much to bear for Joyce Cohen.

“The beeping, along with the loud ventilation system and the buzzing ovens, caused (Cohen) excruciating pain in her ears,” the lawsuit said.

After complaining to Starbucks’s management, Cohen - who worked for Starbucks for the past seven years and was suing for disability discrimination and lost wages - was transferred to a different location.”

We Say:
Where to start with this sad case…

A quick canvas of the net shows that a Starbucks Barista gets paid around AU$10 an hour, 7 years at a Starbucks earning this money kinda proves that this bitch was a bit of a dud… Career advancement must have been a real bitch, 7 years at the same store and does not look like she moved up any, another indication of her intelligence level…

You would think that before 7 years you would realise that something was up if she was experiencing excruciating pain in her ears? Or is that just me? “Man, these headaches are real killers, oh well, off to work again” Wake up and smell the coffee!! Am I the only one thinking, 7 years, damn….!

Now lets review the sounds at the heart of the court case:

• loud ventilation system - I never realised how loud ventilation systems in the fucking roof were! For fucks sake…
• buzzing ovens - What the fuck are buzzing ovens? Do Starbucks now use Fission technology in their ovens?
• beeping - Perhaps at the merch stand at a concert, where they have to turn the beeping of the registers up, but at a fucking Starbucks, was she fucking headbutting the registers?
  

What I also can’t understand is that she gets diagnosed with hyperacusis, which is: “a health condition characterized by an over-sensitivity to certain frequency ranges of sound (a collapsed tolerance to normal environmental sound). A person with hyperacusis has difficulty tolerating everyday sounds, some of which may seem unpleasantly loud to that person but not to others.”
Now looking at the causes of hyperacusis according to Wikipedia, “Working 7 years in the same fucking dead-end coffee shop job” is not there… Oh well, case closed…

Andrew Thistleton faces new trial in snowball assault case

They Say:
“An Australian facing assault charges for throwing a snowball at a co-worker has refused a plea bargain, insisting on a trial to clear his name.

A judge declared a mistrial on the weekend after Ms Oehlert brought up new allegations during her evidence, saying Mr Thistleton had “tried to make me feel stupid by using big words to make himself feel better. Sometimes he’d brush his hand against my behind.” ”

We Say:
*Clears Throat* Please please please tell me what I just read was a misprint of sorts…
“…tried to make me feel stupid by using big words to make himself feel better…” *Head in hands*
If this was grounds for litigation, harassment charge, Canberra would be swarming with lawyers and process servers with every politician suing each other…

Using big words to make himself feel better, what the fuck would that be… He’s doing seasonal work at a snowfield, as she was… What the fuck could he say to her, using big words,  to make himself feel better?? Ahhh…
“Hey Michelle, can you pass me those stocks?”
“The what…?”
“Those stocks, those ski poles…”
“Stop mocking me!!”

I think I’ve figured out why this person(I find it hard to call her a person) decided to bring charges against him, to teach him a lesson… Well fuck me, the only lesson you’ve taught me personally is to, A. never goto Colorado, B. Never fuck with someone who’s last name is Oehlert, I’m not even going to try and pronounce that shit jumble aloud, and C. All snowboarders are mean fucks, big words and snowballs, jesus lookout triads and mafias, there’s a new kid in town… The Snowboarder!

Note to self: Never visit America… 

A big thank you to Andrew Sayer aka @andrewsayer for bringing the follow-up to my attention.

Aussie on snowball throw charge

They Say:
“Andrew Thistleton, who works at a Copper Mountain ski shop in Colarado , is charged with assault and harassment after allegedly throwing the snowball at Michelle Oehlert on February 4 this year, newsagency AP reports.

District-Attorney Mark Hurlbert said that Ms Oehlert’s had her back turned to Mr Thistleton when she was struck by the snowball causing her pain due to a prior car accident injury.”

We Say:
A big note to anyone that threw any sort of rock or dirt clump at me as a kid growing up, expect papers to be served any day now… If this fucking moron can sue for someone throwing a SNOWBALL at her, I still cant get over that fact, it was a SNOWBALL, it’s not like it was a rock\paintball\bullet\animal\snowboard\car, then surely I can sue someone for throwing a rock at me as a child, right?
I can’t go within a kilometre of a quarry without breaking into a cold sweat, surely I can sue for my anguish, I can’t even watch the Worlds Strongest Man competition on TV, as soon as they start lifting boulders I get the shakes…

Apparently it was an ice-ball, well fuck me, lets look at the definition of snowball shall we:
“A mass of soft, wet snow packed into a ball that can be thrown, as in play.”
Ok, pretty standard, and how about snow:
“Frozen precipitation in the form of white or translucent hexagonal ice crystals that fall in soft, white flakes.”
Pretty standard again, hang on, no wait, fuck me, don’t tell me snow is ICE….
Snowball = Ice-ball!!!!
What a fucktard this Ms Oehlert is, how fuck could she see anyway, it hit her in the BACK!!

Come to think of it, he really should have thrown a bullet\animal\car at her, one less trigger-happy-litigator moron in the world to piss me off…